Saturday, April 13, 2013

More on Routine and the New Normal

Curious how I can get thrown off by something like a sore port and missed workouts. Yesterday should have been bike to work, today should have been biceps and back and cardio. Tomorrow should be chest, shoulders, and triceps. Monday should be bike to work.

All those things are out the window. Chemo yesterday prevented the bike to work. Then today I was going to just do cardio, but opted not to just to be safe. I'll wait until the port is safely out and the small chance of it being an infection is ruled out. Leslie, as my caregiver, was happy with that decision. Tomorrow's workout is off, because it directly impacts the port.

Monday's bike ride to work is off, because I have to go to the lab and turn in my 24 hour urine and do some blood work. Carrying a jug of urine on my bike? Not so much.

The port is still sore and swollen but much better. I'm still nervous about it coming out. Not the process itself, but the ramifications. However, my mom sent me a message and I reminded myself, having the port removed is actually a good thing. It's a sign of progress and having control of the myeloma. I'm now super anxious to do my monthly labs to see actual proof of continued control of the cancer. I'm fairly confident we're doing good. But I need to see the numbers.

I took Gracie on a long walk this morning and went to Trader Joe's and the cleaners and Starbucks. Normalcy!!!  I wanted to do all these things as soon as I woke up, as sort of proof that I'm still doing great and that we got this.  Walking Gracie is good because it's my chance to give myself a pep talk, a la an athlete getting ready for a game. Some clapping, some talking to myself, some bouncing. That shit works. I am sure cars driving by think I'm nuts. I came home from the walk fired up and ready to go. I've already got a new lean and mean schedule in mind. Friday. Friday will be cardio, biceps and back. Friday is Berenson. Then I'm back on Lean and Mean.

Chemo was yesterday afternoon. This means dex and insomnia. I slept perhaps 3 hours last night which isn't too bad. And I am wired this morning. I fired off a handful of emails to long lost people at 3am, making sure to tell them I wasn't drunk emailing.

My mom also mentioned to me she might have a new reality and a new normal. But that's ok.  Monday night we went to dinner with a couple of friends. The husband was diagnosed with some kind of cancer in the neck. He starts radiation and chemo next week. Sucks but it is curable. 7 weeks of treatment. So they wanted to discuss how you deal with a new normal. They now have a new normal. It's frustrating at first and maddening that we have to change things up. Arghhhh, is a typical reaction. But again, my message to my mom and our friends is that a new normal, if unavoidable, is ok. We can make incorporate it into our lifes. I'm not saying I don't get irritated, as evidenced by my snap the other day. But generally, we move forward. So stay well everyone. We're all in this together.

Oh one last note before I sign off. Getting my port out next week is sort of appropos. It's right before my two year anniversary of being diagnosed. Nearly two years with the port is enough. I'm good to go. Also of note, port removal is scheduled for April 16, the day before what would have been Ed's birthday. He passed away several years ago. Early on in this adventure, I had some rather vivid dark rainy dreams, where Ed would intervene and not allow me to go where I wanted to go. I seriously took this as a sign or message from up above that it wasn't my time to go yet. I'm not religious and only recently have become a bit spiritual. But I absolutely believe that Ed stepped in and helped me get through this.

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