Thursday, April 18, 2013

National High Five Day

Today was National High Five Day. I hardly even knew it. I gave one high five at work and that was it.  Oh, I did get a couple of high five texts and emails. I've always liked High Five Day. It's a relatively new holiday in the holiday lineup. But I like giving high fives and I am kind of disappointed that I didn't get to embrace the day today. But this week has been absolutely way too fast paced to allow me to slow down and enjoy.  Between too many work meetings all week, and having my port taken out on Tuesday, plus a follow up visit with Phan today and a procrit shot, I'm shocked that tomorrow is Friday. I don't like Mondays, and Friday got here way too quick.  Meaning another Monday is almost here. That's not the right attitude for me. I shouldn't be dreading Monday's arrival. 

Tomorrow is also visits with Dr Berenson and Dr Levine, the kidney doctor.  Monday I turned in my 24 hour urine and did some blood work. I picked up the results today.  Creatinin inched up a bit, which is to be expected after chemo.  My total protein also inched up, but the very good news is that my upep dropped to 25%.  That is as low as it has been ever.  We apply the 25% to my total protein, to get a number for bad protein.  My number for bad protein is pretty darn low right about now. I am curious what Berenson has to say about the total protein going up, but the bad protein going down. Perhaps I ate too much meat this past week. That can have an effect. 

Oh I forgot to mention that I had that job interview I bitched about. Note that this isn't the job that I really want (that is still undecided).  But this itnerview was for a manager position in my current division. Skipping to the summary...I didn't get the job. I expected that, not a surprise at all. But I did dominate in my interview and for that I feel good. I've heard from the word on the street, so to speak, that the folks on the interview panel were impressed by my performance. It's just that the job wasn't meant for me. I'm happy though, because as I have discussed before, this cancer thing has been a plus to my self confidence and my approach to things. It's an odd, unexpected outcome of all this. I'm an improved communicator and much less unhappy with myself.

This fast paced week has me thinking again about what it all means. My goal is to enjoy every day and appreciate things and people around me. But when I'm whirling away on this fast paced treadmill, I get stuck in the routine, and the appreciation of life gets covered up. My energy is absolutely not what is used to be. I'm constantly low on blood, so it's no surprise. But at times I worry and am frustrated by the fact that all my energy goes towards work and making a living and staying insured. Shouldn't my energy go towards living life? How do I push the envelope, if at night I'm tuckered out from the rat race? 

Also, because of the port situation (and now port removal recovery)  I haven't been able to exercise in several days and I have a few more off days to go. That sucks, I was finally getting into tip top shape and now I get derailed. I'm 51 and even without cancer, it's much easier to get out of shape and much more difficult to get into shape. Throw in the cancer, and I have to work that much harder. It's a bummer that I busted my ass to get into shape and now after a few off days, I already feel the fat being packed on and muscle mass fading away. Next week, I get back to it. It's vital to my mental state and fighting off the effects of the myeloma and the steroids.  There's no off day. No bye week. Us cancer patients are on every day. Every day is game day. Every minute is go time. Which is why I can be seen pumping myself up several times every day. Pre game talks with myself are standard practice.

Foward and upward. High five everybody!!!

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