Uncertainty

Pat Killingsworth, a myeloma advocate, mentor & friend, recently wrote me that uncertainty wears us down. So true. This week was my 49th month. I wrote about that. But this week I was also pretty sick. It's likely just a virus. Our immune systems are comprised, so any cold, virus or whatever has to be handled immediately. Monday night I was coughing, wheezing, achy, and I had trouble breathing. Leslie and I did what we could do to clear me up.(vapor, steam, etc)  For a minute, we considered going to emergency to get me checked in.  Leslie called Phan Tuesday morning and his first suggestion was hospital. F that. I hate the hospital.  Tuesday we saw Phan, a pulmonologist, did blood work, chest xray, and cancelled chemo. We needed to make sure it's not pneumonia or some sort of infection. I have been sweating a lot and at random times....which was one of my early symptons. That worries me a bit.

Monday night, between hacks, I did have thoughts that this might be it. For a minute there I wondered if I'd make it to month 50. Actually I wondered if I'd make it to Friday.  I'm fortunate that I'm doing as well as I am. My first year was real touch and go. But for last two years, I've been on cruise control and living a normal life (putting aside constant fatigue, chemo, blah, blah, blah). But there is that uncertainty that Pat mentions. It's like having a month to month lease. 

It's a wake up slap when a hiccup happens. So far no phone calls regarding my tests.  That's good.  I'm feeling much better. I'm on antibiotics and two different inhalers. I was back at work today and I'm back to normalcy (whatever that is)