Friday, November 14, 2014

Do Not Even Think of Saying FML in Front of Me

So today was supposed to be my scheduled monthly Berenson visit. It was to be my first visit since going back on maintenance.  But I had to cancel the appointment. Why? Nothing wrong with me.  Leslie's dad had surgery yesterday and recovery is going to be a challenge so I needed to be home to help.  The good news is I got my lab results, after yet another hiccup at the lab. How tough is it for the lab to not fuck up? I guess pretty tough. Anyhow, I received my full results and my numbers look great.  Improvements across the board after one month of maintenance. Creatinine dropped a bit. Protein and paraprotein (the bad stuff) dropped. Kappa light chains dropped.  All good.  Berenson would have told me to keep on keeping on. No changes. It would have been a short visit.  I'll see him next month. Good, good, good.

I've probably said it before, what's tough about myeloma is that it keeps going. The fact it keeps going is a good thing. It means we're still alive. At this point,  I'm confident in my ability to handle the myeloma and all the physical challenges that come with it.  The mental challenges is a different story.  Walking around with this cancer that is just waiting to rear its ugly head, makes a person want to focus each day on positives and not say no to what makes us happy.  But at times that is easier said than done.  The challenges of regular life also keeps going and keep getting in the way.  The ups, the downs, the complications, the successes, disappointment....all that is never ending.  Have you ever seen the acronym 'FML'?  It means Fuck my Life.  I absolutely hate it. Hate it!!  It's often said when something annoying but not life threatening happens.  Cable tv is out. Fml.  Someone took your parking spot.  Fml.  And while fighting cancer is hard, I've never once said fuck my life.  We accept the facts and battle on.  Today however I'm thinking FML.  Everyone says enjoy life. Every day is a gift. I agree100%.  That is my goal. But it's really freaking hard to enjoy every day when things don't go your way.  So today I say fml.  It's a bit of a pity party today.

Again, the good news is I feel great. My numbers are great. Nearly 4 years in and kicking ass.

More good news. The MMRF is also kicking ass. The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. They are not messing around in the fight against myeloma.  Here's another video they created that is sure to move you and sure to make you feel good about what the MMRF is doing.  Give it a watch. It's about 6 minutes long.  Also explore the MMRF website and read about NOW, to learn details on the organization's goals.   

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