Monday, March 31, 2014

Myeloma..Hate It

It's a Monday morning. I'm at work. The emotional crash from the dex is in full effect. Hate, exhaustion, depression are all hovering around me. Tomorrow it's back to treatment. Tuesday and Friday of this week.  Then I get a two week break from treatment.  But here's the deal. I talk a lot about about the benefits of this cancer. We've talked about it in my cancer class. I'm a better person. I appreciate life more. blah, blah, blah. 

But the fact is I have an incurable cancer. I had a minor relapse recently. That's the thing about myeloma....generally it's going to come back. When is really the question. We're staying ahead of it.  I'm saving the big guns, the new drugs for later. For now, I'm doing what worked previously.  But this shit sucks.  Fricking emotional roller coasts. My energy is all over the place....remember I'm constantly anemic. Low on blood all the time. 

Leslie and I went on a long training walk yesterday in preparation for the BolderBoulder 10k.  The treanda, revlimid and assorted other drugs mean my leg muscles never really loosen up. They are always tight.  Speed is not something I can acheive any more. But I am doing the 10k because I can, and others cannot. Some day I may not be able to. Catching Multiple Myeloma is like a fast forward to being old.  I went from youthful to old & slow in a blink of an eye. Weds is 35 months since my diagnosis. We're coming up on 3 years. Pretty darn impressive, considering we couldn't find a drug that worked at first and considering Berenson at one point thought I wouldn't make it past 2011.

So I'm still here, That's good. But with my crash today, I'm really hating this crap.  I might get a little less active with the blog. Even updating folks on my status is getting old. This is getting old.

Don't worry everyone, I'll bounce back...emotionally. But today, I'm keeping it real as can be. And the realness is that I've got myeloma, I've been doing chemo for 3 years and it's going to keep on going for a while.

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