Well?

Today was day 1 of cycle 18 of maintenance. Each cycle is 4 weeks long. 4 times 18 is 72 weeks. 72 weeks of maintenance chemo. Whew wee. Ain't that something?  At the start of every cycle, I have a little sit down with Dr Phan. We discuss my latest lab results and how I'm feeling.  Some of my numbers have been inching up, others have gone down. Put it together and I'm on an even keel from last month.  But even more important is that I feel good. Energy is up. I'm working out. Great, great, great. 

As we know, last month we had a little hiccup, where I was pretty sure the myeloma was picking up steam.  That thought got me thinking about my mortality and if I'm truly living my life. These were thoughts that hit me like a ton of bricks for the first several month after my diagnosis.  But I as I've gotten better, I've fallen back into a normal routine. Routine is good in terms of my treatment. But I'm not sure routine is good in terms of ensuring I live my life.

With last month's scare, I'm back in that overly pensive and overly self-analytical phase about what I'm doing. I'm also in a "Well?" stage. As in well, now what? What am I doing? Or well, what the hell are you going to make of your life. Well, what's my purpose? Well, I've had a good run.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I need to kick things up a notch and throw caution to the wind.