Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Is Myeloma a Gift?

Funny question. Even an absurd question. Myeloma sucks. No question about it.  Cancer sucks. It's some real bullshit what folks have to go through.  It's not right, not even in the least bit.

But to be truthful, it has been a bit of a gift. Yes, there are times that I'd like to send that gift back. But I don't have the gift receipt, so I'm stuck with it.  However. other times, it's not such a bad present. I'm pretty happy. Happy with my progress. My treatment is fairly routine. It's chemo sure. But not a big deal.  The goal is to keep me exactly where I'm at.  Every month, I wait impatiently for my major lab results, hoping that the cancer is still in check. So far, it is staying quiet. 

Physically I feel great. As good as I've felt in years. I'm 51, so there's a natural decline in my fitness.  But having to be diligent about my health and fitness actually has me in the best shape I've been in for probably 5 or 6 years. Other than the cancer, I'd say I am pretty darn health.  My weight is down to 190. Lowest in ages. I'd like to be 180. Then I'll truly be lean and mean. I'm not fucking around with this. I got married, have a happy home. I'm closer with family, I'm more honest with folks, I'm over my horrible fear of public speaking, I'm confident in who I am.  All good things. So despite the fact that myeloma does suck, it has been a bit of a gift. Weird to say, but true.

When first diagnosed, people would say to me that good will come out of the diagnosis. I thought they were all crazty. I could not see a single benefit from having an incurable cancer.  How I have learned. Those people were right.  I don't want to go overboard with the myeloma is a good thing line of thought though. Because that's just ridiculouus.  And obviously I am writing at a time that I am doing fantastic. If things turn, I might not think this thing is a gift. But who knows. Who knows what'll happen any day for any thing or any one.

Bonus time. I'm on bonus time and enjoying it.

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful and powerful at the same time. I really enjoyed this.

    ReplyDelete