Numbers, paranoia, and feeling good

Every Monday I do lab work and then it becomes a waiting game for the results.  For the past few months, it's been fine, I get the numbers and there is improvement and I'm happy.  Last week was different.  Some of my numbers were up a little bit. So despite me feeling really good, I was worried all week that my chemo was becoming less effective and the cancer was strengthening. Paranoia. It made for a tough mental week last week. We saw Berenson on Friday and he said not to worry, that we're still doing good. Some of other numbers are good and everything is fine.  That was a relief. On the down side, he did say it was too soon to start thinking about winding down with chemo. So my goal of being done with it in a couple of months, is unlikely to come to fruition.

The lessen here is that I can't get hung up on weekly numbers. It'll drive me nuts. We're concerned about trends. Also this weekend, I went to my first myeloma support group. It was actually helpful. Everyone was older than me and all were doing good. Most everyone has had myeloma ranging from 5 years to over 10 years.  All had occassional energy issues and recurring side effects from meds or the cancer. But all were happy to be alive and had great attitudes. For me, it was good to hear, but also a bit of a bummer....good to see people doing well, but a bummer in that clearly this is something that I'll always be dealing with and impacted by.  The message from everyone in the group was to not fret over weekly numbers and to stay focused on the future and doing what makes you happy. Good words.

So I'm trying to adopt that philosophy. As I said I feel good. Still get tired, still popping a lot of pills every day.  Today is lab work and I have to stop by Phan's office for a quick shot. Tomorrow it's back to chemo.