Sunday, January 29, 2012

Normalcy vs the brain

Yesterday was a good day. A really good day. It was like a normal Saturday. I got up, took Gracie for a long walk. Then a nephew, Dan, came by the house and we went to lunch. He's the son of one of my stepsisters and I only see him every few years...when he's in LA for work. He's a photographer and does a lot of cool stuff. Check out his website: danmartensen.com
Anyhow, it's alway nice seeing him. Lunch was good, like a normal Saturday lunch.

Later in the day, Leslie and I plus Matt & Rich went to Redondo Beach to check out a beer store that some friends opened up. Very cool..... A specialty beer shop where you can sit and have a beer or buy it to go. Another website shout out: selectbeerstore.com It's very cool and was filled with people. Now, I love beer but can't drink it due to those darned kidneys. So it was root beer for me with a couple of baby sips of beer. But it was really nice just being out, feeling good, and leading a normal life.

But, later in the night, back home is where the brain takes over and I slip into a bit of woe is me....I'm a cancer patient. It's hard to describe the feeling and we've talked about this with the cancer coach. I am so immersed in this.... 9 months now....that I feel like my identity is based on cancer. That's me and nothing else. Silly yes, but that's where the brain went when I went to bed last night. My goal is to lead a normal life, yesterday was a normal day, and I'm doing great. But that tricky brain doesn't forget, it reminds me that normal now means something else. Myeloma will always be hovering behind me. Like I said, I am feeling great, haven't been angry about this in months, and appreciate life & things & people like never before. Cliche, yes....but true. However slipping into melancholy, I guess, is part of the deal. It's how I deal with the melancholy that is key. I can't let it take over, and I won't.

So what's the point of all this? What's the point of writing this? Just venting I suppose. I gotta let this shit out one way or another. But it really was a good day, and that is what matters.

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